And here is the dealio. A long time ago I made some accusatory threads and then slithered away. I didn't care if people answered them or not because the reactions I got were unimportant. What is important was that I got out the rage I felt. Rage that stemmed from frustration of not being good enough, of watching more pros than actually playing the game plus some other personal struggles.
When you lose a family member it changes you. You change not only who you were on the inside but also all your relationships on the outside. And I can easily say what I did the whole while my family was slowly passing away was playing Starcraft II. I would sit there in the living room while watching them and just que up for ladder randomly. I have never been really good but Starcraft always seemed the best time waster because the matches were quick, easy, cheap distraction to the larger things that were going on around me.
Once the end did finally come hollow was how I felt and the only thing I felt like I could do was commit to more things that I didn't want to. I did another year of college, my third year, and still played games inbetween classes [sometimes my professors caught me in class hilariously] because that was my answer for everything. Struggling with something? Just play a more games. Overall I didn't do so well that year and I had a falling out with my remaining family members causing me to move to a new city, get a fresh start and finally recovering from the things that happened to me.
I took a break from almost everything and the time I have taken for myself has been my most saving grace of all because its what I have needed the most. Real time to grieve while focusing inward on improving myself. I'm actually a pretty chill guy once the rage eventually did burn off and I turned back into my down to earth sharp witted person I was before the horror and loss came.
And I truly want to say I am sorry to Day 9 because it was unfair for me to ask those things about you because its your life, you are a great gamer and Starcraft II is staying alive thanks to you. I really wish you would commit to playing more ladder sometimes but overall you have succeeded greatly in what you are doing and have shown that yes, there is room for analyzers and theorizers. That there is room to appreciate games as wonderful time capsules and pieces of art.
I am sorry that I have missed the scene as well the great games by my favorite player. I am sorry for being so negative and saw darkness instead of providing hope and light. I am hoping to get back into the saddle and turn things around now. Thank you for going over Scarlet's awesome games because without you doing that I wouldn't have been able to catch up on it. Once again I plan to go back through things and get back to working on mechanics in my spare time casually and no real pressure as this game should be enjoyed.