I’ve moved on to a much better stage of being where I can skip the anger to much less taxing forms of emotional responses like disappointment or how do we fix the thing of we need to or just moving on from what I can’t control or change.

this dk30 was helpful not only getting me to this stage but to help me reflect on how I got to the anger stage in the first place ( the answer is a lot of changes outside of my control ). I’m glad I did the work and got to where I am!

another one in the books!

Another week, more progress being made! Particularly, it’s been so much easier to skip anger and go straight into disappointment when I need to. I also have been able to get a lot of excess energy out through exercise, talking to the right people about things, sketching out my feelings, and just socializing with people in wonderful circumstances where my energy exist in the form of laughter instead of anger.

Gonna keep it up! Time for a run to get some energy out!

I want to list here lessons I’ve already learned

• Some people are no longer growing. They’ve, intentionally or not, decided they’re comfortable and no longer strive for better.
• Some people are not in a state where they have the capacity of awareness or to make it easier for others. The reason matters less as much as the state they’re in, which I often do not have the means to change easily, if at all
• Do not take things personally, especially if it’s outside of my control. If it’s within my control, consider a respectful and measured manner to change it if I don’t like it or if it doesn’t make sense. And again, don’t make it personally about the other person - make a concerted effort on why changing, doing it differently, etc. would benefit everyone. If they don’t do or listen, at least I have tried and it will be easier for me to move from anger into disappointment - an emotion that is much kinder and less taxing on my person, and allows me to make more rational decisions.
• Free form sketching is great not only to get energy out but to notice when I’m actually at a good energy level - in other words, when I don’t have excess energy that really needs an outlet.
• I haven’t realized the benefits of the video journaling yet, but i will be starting a new month of habits soon so i’ll keep track of it for April
• Most of my anger can be boiled down to “why would you waste my time (and probably yours) by doing it this way instead of this other way?”. This is because one of my values and higher purposes is make it easy for other people to get annoying required life shit done so they can go do and enjoy life for what it’s meant to be.
• I am encouraged, thanks to improved company culture, to speak up and take action on protecting my time, etc.

Therapist call

Wow, I’ve not had such a great, impactful therapy session for a long time - diving into the past a little and trying to figure out where the anger is coming from, and getting my therapist’s guidance on how to approach anger.

We spend quite a bit of time still in where the anger is coming from CURRENTLY, and she did help me make a couple of very very impactful breakthroughs. Specifically, I love that she helped me craft a question - of the most critical nature - to better protect my time - does my colleagues, including higher ups - do they deserve my time NOW, or can their instant message also wait - because if they just looked into it, they can figure it out themselves, and because it’s not urgent?

Doesn’t mean I can’t judge them for not thinking about if it can wait for one of our regular meetings or whatever, but it does mean I DON’T HAVE TO REPLY TO EVERY SINGLE SHIT QUESTION, which, in even thinking about it, brings me a wave of calmness and satisfaction.

This habit will take some time to hone, but I think it will be extremely valuable as I get busier and move up in my career. Prioritization is an ever more important skill every day for me, and I need to learn this.

One of the professional coaches I’m working with recommended completely free form journaling with a Sharpie in addition to video journaling. I tried both and the free form journaling is so helpful!!! This is because I never allowed my self to doodle, ever, on any paper, because I’m don’t like “wasting” paper. Being able to draw illegibly and thonk the Sharpie into the paper without concern of the paper and pen is something that I never allowed myself to do because those cost money and I never liked breaking supplies for school.

I also recorded a video journal of about 3 minutes today - I’m looking forward to keeping it up for however short/long I have each day, ideally before I end work and reconnect with family. Once I built the habit, I’ll also have to try recording a video journal whenever I need one.

Therapist Appt scheduled Thursday! Looking forward to it.

when my mental health was bad in my 20s, since actually college when it started deteriorating, i rarely if ever felt anger. its been over a decade and ive graduated from both therapy and psych meds, i am much more confident, and i have higher but reasonable standards for myself

my partner and i talked one day and he said it’s also reasonable for me to not only have higher standards for myself, but others as well. that has been a great piece of feedback that has allowed me to speak up with suggestions and recommendations where i felt appropriate, and i have seen some really great changes because of me speaking up, but i also now feel more anger or annoyance when someone can’t meet these expectations.

So far, i have now learned that some people will just be like that because of their situation, or it is literally their personality slash character, and nothing i do or say will change that for the better or help them realize etc.

my therapist also recommends breathing to manage the rush of anger that gets triggered.

i am hoping to proactively manage anger because it’s actually a great tool for me to get things done quickly but terrible for when i need to talk to or communicate with anyone.

mord context another day!